10 commandments of Pickleball

This was submitted by Bob and Cindy Lutz

The people stood at the foot of the court and Bob spoke these words: “Pickleball is Divine and Past0r Bob has brought you out of the land of Boredom and the House of Inactivity. Please study these commandments.”

  1. Thou shalt have no other sport before it. Thou shalt not make for thyself a softball diamond, a football field, a basketball court, a ski run, an ice-hockey rink or any likeness of any sport that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; thou shalt not admire them or train for them; for Pickleball is a jealous sport, punishing for generations those who confuse it with tennis but showing steadfast improvement to those who love it and keep its commandments.
  2. Thou shalt not curse thy opponent nor hold him in contempt for placing the ball out of thy reach; neither shalt thou blaspheme thy partner for missing the shot down the middle, which was clearly his forehand.
  3. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it fun. six days you practice, and do all your drills; but the seventh day is an amusement day to Pickleball; in it thou shalt not beat thyself up nor allow thy sons or daughters or spouses or the new person who joined the Church just this week to force feelings of inadequacy upon you; for, while for six days Pickleball may have handed thee thine buttocks upon a platter, it has blessed the sabbath day and made it blissful.
  4. Honor thy coach and his spouse, that your invitations to return may be plentiful.
  5. Thou shalt not kill the pickleball either by striking it too high and thus sending it to the neighbor’s yard or too low and propelling it mightily into the net; for the pickleball is a marshmallow and must be dinked with softness and suppleness and, above all, self-control.
  6. Thou shalt not commit schadenfreude; neither openly by shouting “YES!” and pumping thy fist when thy opponent blunders his return, nor in thy heart, nor even in a small, gleeful upturning of the corners of thy mouth.
  7. Thou shalt not poach from thy backhand position.
  8. The shalt not bear false witness against the landing of the ball on the wrong side of the line; neither shalt thou bear ANY witness to its placement if thou be on the other side of the net.
  9. Thou shalt not covet thy opponent’s partner. Be thee satisfied with whosoever has been randomly paired with you and communicate often with them.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy opponent’s paddle, or his shoes, or his coordinating clothing ensemble, or his ox or ass, or anything that is your opponent’s. These earthly things will not make purchase of thy game; keep thy head clear, thy feet emancipated, and thy paddle prepared.

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